ADVANCED DESIGN

The advertising agency doesn't understand it

ALL NEW

Parts not interchangeable with previous design

ALL SOLID-STATE

Heavy as Hell!

A MAINFRAME

The biggest PC peripheral available.

BREAKTHROUGH

We finally figured out a way to sell it

BROADCAST QUALITY

Gives a picture and produces noise

BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES

We finally got it to fit together

COMPUTER

A device designed to speed and automate errors.

CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY

You can return it from most airports

DESIGNED SIMPLICITY

Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone

DIRECT SALES ONLY

Factory had big argument with distributor

DISTINCTIVE

A different shape and color than the others

ETHERNET (N)

something used to catch the ether bunny

EXCLUSIVE

Imported product

FIELD-TESTED

Manufacturer lacks test equipment

FOOLPROOF OPERATION

No provision for adjustments

FUTURISTIC

No other reason why it looks the way it does

HAND-CRAFTED

Assembly machines operated without gloves on

HIGH ACCURACY

Unit on which all parts fit

HIGH RELIABILITY

We made it work long enough to ship it

IT'S HERE AT LAST!

Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming

LATEST AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY

One of our tech was laid off by Boeing

MAINTENANCE-FREE

Impossible to fix

MEETS ALL STANDARDS

Ours, not yours

MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED

Does things we can't explain

MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS

We got a good deal at a government auction

NEW

Different color from previous design

NEW GENERATION

Old design failed, ma y be this one will work

PERFORMANCE PROVEN

Will operate through the warranty period

PROGRAMMER

A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.

RE-DESIGNED

Previous faults corrected, we hope...

REVOLUTIONARY

It's different from our competitors

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED

Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check

SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE

When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound

UNMATCHED

Almost as good as the competition

UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE

Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way

UPGRADE

Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT

We finally got one that works